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07-Jul-2017 01:16

This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose.By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.Telling a child that they can’t do something makes them prove that they can, by telling you or showing you that it is in fact possible.

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Train yourself to say what you want them to do instead of what you don’t. Notice the common element is starting with the word “you” and then acknowledging what they worked at, rather than what you think about it.First, you are threatening a child, which makes them fearful of you.Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened.

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Second, it ignores your responsibility to deal with the issue at hand and passes it to someone else.

If a child is coloring the grass purple, it is easy to tell them it must be green.

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